Talking to our kids about wealth
We are wealthy. Our kids were born in a poverty-stricken country. I’m highly aware of these facts and this juxtaposition every time I talk to our kids about money.
Since I’m guessing my opening sentence was a bit jarring for you, I’ll take a minute here to explain my definition of wealth: we have everything we need and some things we want.
1. Need: I am able to go to the grocery store and buy everything on my grocery list for sustenance. I am not dependent on food stamps or food shelves. Want: Occasionally we are able to celebrate life with extra special food and drink.
2. Need: We are able to pay our electric and gas bill every month. Want: We have access to the whole world through our cable/internet bill.
3. Need: We have a roof, walls, beds and everything else that make up our shelter. Want: Occasionally I am able to buy something to make our house a cozy home.
1. Need: I am able to go to the grocery store and buy everything on my grocery list for sustenance. I am not dependent on food stamps or food shelves. Want: Occasionally we are able to celebrate life with extra special food and drink.
2. Need: We are able to pay our electric and gas bill every month. Want: We have access to the whole world through our cable/internet bill.
3. Need: We have a roof, walls, beds and everything else that make up our shelter. Want: Occasionally I am able to buy something to make our house a cozy home.
The “wants” are really all that separate the uber-wealthy from the moderately wealthy to the minimally wealthy. Are you the Simon Cowell kind of wealthy or are you the “save-up-your-pennies to take the kids to the movie occasionally” kind of wealthy? I know it is cliché, but wealth is truly relative. If you have ever had the opportunity to travel to a developing country you will never again think of yourself as poor.
How does this play out with our kids?
When the kids see pictures of starving children; the children are usually brown. They’ve been asking questions more frequently about poverty and if they would have been starving if they had stayed in Ethiopia. We never want our children to feel like we “rescued” them but our wealth is all they‘ve ever known so….we talk about it.
A typical conversation in a store
Alex: wow, Mom, that ______ is so cool. Can we buy it?
Me: is that a want or a need?
Alex: Um….a want.
Me: is it your birthday or Christmas?
Alex: no.
Me: Do you have enough money to pay for it?
Alex: wow, Mom, that ______ is so cool. Can we buy it?
Me: is that a want or a need?
Alex: Um….a want.
Me: is it your birthday or Christmas?
Alex: no.
Me: Do you have enough money to pay for it?
The kids have all but stopped asking for things since they know the conversation that is going to follow.
Early money management:
When I ask the kids if they have enough money to pay for an item, I’m not being flippant. It is a genuine question. The kids both get an allowance each week. Every Sunday. One dollar for each year. Right now Alex gets $6 a week and Almaz gets $4 a week (soon to be $5). 40% goes to savings, 50% goes to spending and 10% goes to sharing. Right now their spending money is all “wants”….candy, chips, toys, etc. We provide all their needs. Each year they will be responsible for more and more of their needs to the point that they are buying their clothes, toiletries, paying for their activity fees, buying birthday presents for friends, etc. By the time they are 18 (or so) and ready to leave the coop, they should have made enough mistakes with money under our roof that they’ll be financially astute to make wise spending choices when they are on their own. We use the very cool website threejars.com to help administer this. We would do exactly the same program if Alex and Almaz were biological children.
Since we do have the Ethiopian/American contrast in our family the topic of wealth, poverty, wants-vs-needs, is often on forefront of my brain as we navigate financial conversations. We talk about injustice and how difficult it is for people to come out of poverty. We talk about what our responsibility is. We communicate that nothing is really ours, but that we are just stewards of everything that we have been given. When I say a prayer over meals I regularly say, “thank You for providing all of our needs and so many of our wants.” I want this idea to become embedded in Alex and Almaz.
When I ask the kids if they have enough money to pay for an item, I’m not being flippant. It is a genuine question. The kids both get an allowance each week. Every Sunday. One dollar for each year. Right now Alex gets $6 a week and Almaz gets $4 a week (soon to be $5). 40% goes to savings, 50% goes to spending and 10% goes to sharing. Right now their spending money is all “wants”….candy, chips, toys, etc. We provide all their needs. Each year they will be responsible for more and more of their needs to the point that they are buying their clothes, toiletries, paying for their activity fees, buying birthday presents for friends, etc. By the time they are 18 (or so) and ready to leave the coop, they should have made enough mistakes with money under our roof that they’ll be financially astute to make wise spending choices when they are on their own. We use the very cool website threejars.com to help administer this. We would do exactly the same program if Alex and Almaz were biological children.
Since we do have the Ethiopian/American contrast in our family the topic of wealth, poverty, wants-vs-needs, is often on forefront of my brain as we navigate financial conversations. We talk about injustice and how difficult it is for people to come out of poverty. We talk about what our responsibility is. We communicate that nothing is really ours, but that we are just stewards of everything that we have been given. When I say a prayer over meals I regularly say, “thank You for providing all of our needs and so many of our wants.” I want this idea to become embedded in Alex and Almaz.
So......
How do you define wealth?
How do you talk to your kids about money?
Or, do you even talk about money at all?
Are you allowing your kids to make financial mistakes early on while the stakes are still low?
How do you talk to your kids about money?
Or, do you even talk about money at all?
Are you allowing your kids to make financial mistakes early on while the stakes are still low?
Almaz was recently fawning over a toy in a catalog that she has seen on television. Alex said to her, "usually things look cooler on TV than they are in real life." This, from a six year old. Our job is done. :-)
Now, here's the pitch, consider donating $5 (or more) today to help bring a water pipeline to the town where Almaz was born. You can donate here.
Now, here's the pitch, consider donating $5 (or more) today to help bring a water pipeline to the town where Almaz was born. You can donate here.
posted by Grant and Anna @ Sunday, October 30, 2011
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