Adoption Ramblings
In honor of Adoption Awareness Month (all of November) and OrphanSunday (today) I will recognize the month/day by a little adoption rambling. These certainly aren’t all my thoughts about adoption but they are the ones that have been germinating lately.
We are not heroes:
There was nothing altruistic in our decision to adopt. We had been married for seven years. We wanted to be parents. Grant is quite possibly the most level-headed man on the face of the planet (for better or for worse) and he knew that if we pursued adoption we would end up with a baby. If we pursued fertility treatments we may or may not end up with a baby. That was it. Nothing more. Occasionally people say things along the lines of, “what a wonderful thing you’ve done” or “your children are so lucky/blessed.” I want to scream NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Usually I just smile and shake my head and say, “oh, no, we are the ones who are blessed.”
There was nothing altruistic in our decision to adopt. We had been married for seven years. We wanted to be parents. Grant is quite possibly the most level-headed man on the face of the planet (for better or for worse) and he knew that if we pursued adoption we would end up with a baby. If we pursued fertility treatments we may or may not end up with a baby. That was it. Nothing more. Occasionally people say things along the lines of, “what a wonderful thing you’ve done” or “your children are so lucky/blessed.” I want to scream NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Usually I just smile and shake my head and say, “oh, no, we are the ones who are blessed.”
We have many other friends who have chosen adoption instead of (or before or in addition to) biological children. They, also, are not altruistic. They just can’t imagine life any other way.
God did not hand-select our children for us from the beginning of time:
I don’t intend to get into a theological debate here, but if the world were perfect our beautiful children would have been with their beautiful families in their beautiful country. But the world is not perfect. There is war and famine and illness and rape and extreme poverty and unplanned pregnancies. God did not make all those things “happen” just so wealthy westerners could be parents. The amazing and awe-inspiring thing about God, though, is that he can redeem even the most horrible and difficult situations (war, famine, illness, rape, poverty, unplanned pregnancy) and bring beauty and joy out of trauma and tragedy. Seeing this played out repeatedly (in my life and others) is the most important thing that has shaped my faith journey and my relationship with Jesus.
I don’t intend to get into a theological debate here, but if the world were perfect our beautiful children would have been with their beautiful families in their beautiful country. But the world is not perfect. There is war and famine and illness and rape and extreme poverty and unplanned pregnancies. God did not make all those things “happen” just so wealthy westerners could be parents. The amazing and awe-inspiring thing about God, though, is that he can redeem even the most horrible and difficult situations (war, famine, illness, rape, poverty, unplanned pregnancy) and bring beauty and joy out of trauma and tragedy. Seeing this played out repeatedly (in my life and others) is the most important thing that has shaped my faith journey and my relationship with Jesus.
If you are thinking about adoption (special needs, waiting children, from the foster care system or internationally)…..
do it! You don’t have a perfect house or marriage or perfectly-mannered bio kids at home. All you need is an open heart and the willingness to “enter into the grief of a child and stay there until God heals.” From a Jen Hatmaker blog entry: “Could you direct your diligence toward becoming a healing parent, even if that just means listening and affirming and acknowledging and holding a child through the storm? Can you be miraculously, fantastically present for a child that is positive you too will disappear one day? Do you have the gumption to be oh-so-very consistent with boundaries and discipline, understanding that requiring their respect supplies them with the very security they crave in a parent who is actually in charge, freeing them up to be a kid instead of a survivor?”
do it! You don’t have a perfect house or marriage or perfectly-mannered bio kids at home. All you need is an open heart and the willingness to “enter into the grief of a child and stay there until God heals.” From a Jen Hatmaker blog entry: “Could you direct your diligence toward becoming a healing parent, even if that just means listening and affirming and acknowledging and holding a child through the storm? Can you be miraculously, fantastically present for a child that is positive you too will disappear one day? Do you have the gumption to be oh-so-very consistent with boundaries and discipline, understanding that requiring their respect supplies them with the very security they crave in a parent who is actually in charge, freeing them up to be a kid instead of a survivor?”
If you have friends or family members who are considering adoption or have recently adopted:
Please read this blog entry by Jen Hatmaker “It Takes a Village.” I’m pretty sure she crawled inside my brain and my heart for a few weeks before writing it.
Please read this blog entry by Jen Hatmaker “It Takes a Village.” I’m pretty sure she crawled inside my brain and my heart for a few weeks before writing it.
My life, my world view, my faith journey were all rocked because we chose to adopt internationally; which is why this water project is so important to me. And I love that it has become important to so many of my friends and family (and the random unsuspecting stranger).
Thank you for joining me on this journey! Anna
ps - I can’t speak to the situation of a domestic infant adoption. I’m sure there are parallels but I can only speak from my experience.
ps - I can’t speak to the situation of a domestic infant adoption. I’m sure there are parallels but I can only speak from my experience.
posted by Grant and Anna @ Sunday, November 06, 2011
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